Synopsis: Julian has made a mess of his life. Fortunately, he has learned a great deal about what everyone else is doing wrong.

He has opinions about your marriage, your apartment, your sourdough, and your apology. He has watched his friends relapse into old lovers, audit illegal poker games, and pay off an ex's debts with disastrous anonymity. Every misstep becomes another rule: Don't dress up if it's not Halloween. Don't introduce your therapist to your dealer. Don't betray your friends. But yes.

Witty, wicked, and far more observant than its narrator, DONT. is a collection of twenty-seven linked stories about vanity, loyalty, self-deception, and the dangerous pleasure of being right.

Each story stands on its own. Together, they assemble a portrait Julian never meant to sit for—and pose a question he would rather not answer:

When does telling the truth about somebody become another way of lying about yourself?

Manuscript available upon request.